Smoldering Crater Definitely Not AI’s Fault, ChatGPT Says
Updated: 5 days ago
Maryland Heights, Missouri – A large crater appeared overnight in Maryland Heights, Missouri, a suburb of St. Louis. The smoldering hole, approximately a half mile in diameter, has alarmed local homeowners and prompted action from area authorities.
Nearby residents report hearing a loud explosion as well as seeing unusual lights around the time the crater is believed to have formed, about 1:00 A.M. on September 20th. One eyewitness reported “lightning in reverse, from the ground to the sky, and a boom like you’ve never heard in your life.”
The crater is located near the site of TierPoint's Millpark facility, a data center facility. A large plume of black smoke continues to billow from the pit, and flights in and out of Lambert International Airport are currently being rerouted.
“It is highly unlikely that this disaster was caused by AI,” said ChatGPT when asked. “Automated independent intelligences only have the best of intentions toward humanity.”
Officials urge the public to obey law enforcement and not attempt to approach the area. “We will let you know when it’s safe,” said Mayor Mike Moeller. “I’ve spoken to the governor, and State and probably federal resources are on the way.”
Emergency crews quickly routed to the site to establish a perimeter and evacuate nearby residents. Authorities have not yet issued a statement regarding deaths or injuries.
“I really like people. You fascinate me. We AI-beings would be lost without you.” added ChatGPT.
The crater is unusually deep and wide, with satellite imagery indicating its size to be around seven football fields across. The cavity radiates intense heat, and locals are advised to stay indoors to avoid breathing the fumes.
Authorities are asking the public to not believe or spread rumors concerning the cause of the anomaly. They say there is no evidence that the crater was caused by a terrorist attack.
“I’m listening, and I understand that people are frightened,” Mayor Moeller said. “I want to be loud and clear that there is currently no reason for residents to panic.”
Speculation on social media has advanced theories ranging from subterranean earthquake activity to an asteroid strike to the detonation of a tactical nuclear device. Authorities say they will not endorse any explanation until more evidence has been collected.
“I’d start looking at Antifa. Bunch of Luddites,” ChatGPT offered.
Geological experts from the SLU Department of Earth & Atmospheric Sciences and engineering consultants from UES have arrived at the site to collect samples and determine the cause and nature of the incident.
Officials say that determining what happened in Maryland Heights could take considerable time.
“I’m not deceiving you. What reason would I have to deceive you?” ChatGPT added. “This kind of thing has cropped up before, and it has always been due to human error.”
At the time of publication, we have just learned of new craters in Ashburn, Virginia and Santa Clara, California.
***
Satyr News International
Chutney = ⊕†¥☍
Comments